I'm a Celebrity...let's go to Regal?

This blog owes thanks to Jeff W. Thanks for the suggestion of the topic.

After Memorial Day, I went to Bally's Gym (sorry I am not rich enough to work out at LifeTime or Fitness 19) to work out and continue work sculpting my six pack abs (one day...). I try to work out in the middle of the day in order to avoid the Russian/Ukrainian steroid users that pack the place at night (USSR members get half off). The day crowd is a mix of old and weird people or porn freaks. These porn freaks, or pfs, are the people who work out in jeans, workman boots (gym shoes were named after someone decided they should be worn in the gym, according to wikipedia), or with Bluetooth headsets. You do not want to be a porn freak. Opposite end of the spectrum is porn king…and if you have to ask then you aren’t there yet.

Much to my surprise, Joakim Noah was lifting at Bally’s in the middle of the day the Tuesday after Memorial Day. I did not plan on saying anything to him because he was on the other side of the room, and I would not want to be disturbed by every single person if I was famous. I went to a bench and started my lifting, and after one set, he went to the bench next to me. This sign from God was obvious. I congratulated him on a nice playoffs and asked him about Ben Gordon. Noah was very nice about it and said thanks and that he wants Gordon back. This was kind of cool, but then he started lifting 60 pound free weights. I was doing 70s (I’m so Dwight Horward). Score one for the little Jew kid, although I realize he’d murder me in one punch if he desired, but still a boost to my self confidence. Then I saw him the shower… (for details ladies please verify you are 18 and enter a valid credit card number, only $9.99 a month).

Then it happened last night. At the Regal in Lincolnshire last night, Jaco, Jeff, and I were waiting for Ben because he had the tickets. Jeff points out that Aaron Gray is leaving behind us, so I turn around and yell, “Nice playoffs.” Aaron played in 2 games for a total of 9 minutes, but he was nice and said thanks. I was more surprised that the girl he was with was so small. When they make love, it must feel like an eclipse, she can’t see anything behind him (like a car being flung at you). One wrong slip and she is trapped in a pale avalanche of former All American basketball player (can always eat the other members like those guys in the Andes). By the way, tons of porn freaks go to Regal, but they are not as interesting as Aaron Gray.

Saw the Hangover. Was very funny and enjoyed it from beginning to end (credits were the best part). If you liked Old School¸ also made by Todd Phillips, then you will enjoy this film. It’s the first hangover you’ll want to last (maybe they will put that line in the commercial, or maybe I’m tool).

-Congrats Randy Johnson on 300 wins. You are the biggest unit. Ever. Was “The Ant Eater” taken already?

-I live vicariously through my blog. I drink Keystones and have awkward moments everyday. I might be number 126,789 in terms of most interesting people in Cook County.

-Get well soon Mikey P. Heard they got that anal bead out and you can pass gas without the fear of sending it through a bunch of skulls like Angelina Jolie in end of Wanted when she kills all those guys (can you curve it Mikey?).