Leno's Thoughts

I will not move my blog to 12:05 am and thus am quitting Feld Thoughts so Jay Leno can take over. Yes, that is the least original joke this week, but as a member of Team Coco, I had to make it. This week NBC looked for a way to improve its dreadful ratings and some how forgot that Heroes is still on TV. I forgot about it too so I understand. The network has yet to figure out to combat CSI, Lost, Modern Family, How I Met Your Mother, and the juggernaut know as IDOL (I only watch Lost). Some will argue that The Office and 30 Rock are great shows, and the half that said 30 Rock are correct. That show exhibits great creativity and humor every week and the average fat American is too stupid or lazy to watch. Tina Fey is really good at her job. Of course, no one really watches it since NBC shows it late and does not really promote it. The Office was once a great show full of awkward humor, but now it tries to the network version of Curb way too often. Michael Scott is stupid...only sometimes. Plus, Jim and Pam are old news. How long will they drag that baby thing out? When the hell is Andy going to hook up with what's her name? Who gives a shit?


So, NBC fired Conan. Or Conan quit. Doesn't matter because Leno forced this and the network didn't give Conan the freedom or press to succeed. He should be on Sunday Night Football doing jokes to get the everyman. He should be one the Today Show laughing it up with the morning crew. NBC set him up to fail. Middle America is not his audience. We, the college kids and stoners, are though. Conan's self degrading attitude, lack of hierarchy respect, and potty humor is what made him so great. So, Conan should go to Fox or Comedy Central and form the Justice League of Funny with Stewart and Colbert. Both networks promote their stars, allow pretty much anything to go on air, and are willing to suffer while a show starts up. Leno should get hit by a bus driven my Letterman and Conan. Letterman, who I don't get, has been great this week by showing how much hate he has for NBC and Leno. Even Kimmel has joined in by mocking Leno's show and going on it to insult him. Kimmel could be the biggest loser if ABC decides to go with Conan, but this is unlikely. His show is actually very funny but is on at a weird time. I love how he goes off script and makes Leno feel so uncomfortable. Great picture on the right...kinda looks like Leno is sucking a dick.

In conclusion, good luck Conanado. You have been so free and funny, but why did it take so long for you to relax? I knew last summer that his humor would translate to the early slot, but I didn't see this coming. And Leno...I saw this too. The monster never dies the first time around.



Offensive Coordinator Candidates for the Bears:

1. Vinny Del Negro: Why not?

2. Rex Grossman: He isn't starting and may be the only one who understands what Jay Cutler is seeing.

3. Conan O'Brien: Needs a job.

4. Jack Bauer

Lazy Break

Fuck you. You saw the link on facebook and said, " I thought he was dead. It's been forever and his blogs suck anyways." Well, I am not dead yet and you are an asshole. Remember when you said you'd wake up early and work out everyday, but after 4 pm you are still in your boxers, still haven't showered, and played Call of Duty 50 times?

Well, you are not alone. I start work in 48 hrs and want to celebrate it with all of you with some words of wisdom.

Went to the Bulls game the other day...they won (sweet but who cares?), but I lost the Dunkin Doughnuts race. That was way more important. It is easily the greatest in-game promotion ever created. My breakdown:



Dashing Doughnut- Your typical fat kid. Fuck you. Stop eating sprinkles and frosting and try and eat some fruit. You are killing our youth and straining our health system. How the hell do you run three laps 41 days a year? I refuse to root for the fat kid because that just reinforces that type of behavior. I think the rich fat cats in the 100 level enjoy him though.

Biggie Bagel- Aka Biggie Smalls but circumcised. No one likes the bagel due to antisemitism. Omar Casspi, the Jewish Israeli NBA player, has a better shot of be picked for the all star than people cheering for the bagel (and yes, there is a Jew in the NBA, pause and reflect). I would not want to depend on a Jewish athlete when free food is on the line. I just don't like the design of the bagel. Did the cartoonist mean to make it look like a puckered asshole in the middle?

Cuppee Coffee- The best. Coffee makes the day better. End of discussion for millions of people. The cup is slender, hot, and more aerodynamic. But, this over confidence has made him lazy like the NBA players performing below the jumbo tron. So much talent wasted.


Lovie Smith Replacements for Next Year-

1. Jules Winnfield- The exact opposite of Lovie, an angry black man. He would take out his pistol and I don't think Cutler would throw another pick...but he'd pass that burger.

2. Vinny Del Negro- Wouldn't be the first job he wasn't qualified for.

3. Lebron James- Has proven to be a great basketball coach of the Cavs and was all state football. So, play for the Bulls except on Sundays where he coaches and plays.

4. Ron Zook- Somehow he keeps getting chances and the Bears love ex-Illini coaches. Do NFL teams recruit? In the NFL, players and rob, murder, and steal and continue to play...even in bowl games.

5. The Na'vi - Maybe they could link up with Cutler and try and understand what he was looking at. And...the games would be boring but cool because of 3-D.

That's it. I will try and blog in between audits. And for the love of God...go shower.