A Bunch of Assholes

Three men have thrown their names into the ring for the 2009 Biggest Dueche Bag Awards….let’s take a look:

1. Tim Floyd, former NBA and college basketball coach

Coach Floyd had a lot of success as the head coach of Iowa State where he recruited future NBA players such as Marcus Fizer, Jamal Tinsley, Kirk Hinrich, and Nick Collison (the last two left for Kansas after Floyd left, good moves) and Paul Shirley. Most people remember Floyd as the only person dumb enough to accept the Bulls head coaching job on July 23, 1998 (turned down by Eddie/Whoppi Goldberg, Gordon Bombay, and Gene Hackman). This was after Jerry Krause purged the roster of Jordan, Pippen, and everyone else who had any talent (leaving stars such as Corey Benjamin and Keith Booth, no relation to John Wilkes Booth). You can’t blame him for the record of 49-190 because Randy Brown was his starting point guard, but he should have know better than to take the job. After quitting in 2001 and coaching a little in New Orleans, he returned to college and took the job at USC. He coached them to three NCAA Tournaments while staying under the salary cap of $50 million dollars...wait, I meant to write he paid thousands of dollars to get players to play for a school that doesn’t have any basketball tradition or great facilities. Yesterday, amid Federal and NCAA investigations, he quit because he couldn’t afford to buy off the investigators (he did apply for some bailout money).

2. Jeremy Mayfield

I don’t watch or care about NASCAR, but this story is interesting. Mayfield was suspended months back for a positive drug test, and yesterday it was revealed that he tested positive for meth. Driving 200 mph (322 kph for our Euro readers…number one blog in Kazakhstan) isn’t that interesting sober, so I see no problem with this. Sure, you could kill white trash in a crash, but the colors you see when you are high on meth are pretty sweet. This man is an idiot and should be banned to his trailer park home for the rest of his life (no visits from his cousins).

3. Jimmy Fallon

My friend Gupta can only be described as stubborn. Any opinion different from his draws a large argument and he will call you stupid. He said such to me when I said Jimmy Fallon sucks. I will not accept that and confess to being an anti-Fallonite (the South will rise again!). I planned to watch a weeks worth of shows to see if I was missing anything, and after 2 shows, I can’t do it anymore (I want to drive into a trash compactor or randomly self-combust into flames). His delivery and interview skills are terrible. His sketches, including a Hills based one in his office, are not funny. He had a game where Kelly Ripa licked a tuba for $10 (I’d pay her to lick something else…). If someone can say something positive about him, I’d like to hear it. Watch The Daily Show or Colbert Report for entertainment and real interesting programming.

Youtube Music Hit of the Week: Matt and Kim – Daylight.

Quote of the Week:

"I didn't kill nobody, I didn't rape nobody, so that's it, I'm just going to come and play the game." – Manny Ramirez